Act Two

(Mulder is sat next to Sculley in the economy section of a regional flight. In the window seat is spotty, overweight kid, playing a Nintendo machine remorselessly. It is driving Mulder to distraction.)

        Sculley: sat in the aisle seat)

What are we doing in economy class? We always fly business.

        Mulder:

It was the best I could get. Hundreds of delegates for some sort of convention on abattoir automation booked all the good tickets.

        Sculley:

Ah. I wondered what all those people with knives and cleavers were doing in check-in.

        Snotty Kid:

Yeah! Fucking right! (He waves the Nintendo under Mulders nose)

Twenty-two thousand, eight hundred and fifty points. Take that sucker!

        Mulder:

Yes, very interesting.

        Sculley:
Mulder, why is your hand shaking?

        Mulder: (looking down at his right hand, which is twitching like a dervish)

I dunno. I guess Iím really strung out. I havenít slept for days.

        Sculley:

Havenít washed for days, you mean.

(Suddenly the kid next to Mulder goes crazy, jumping up and down in his seat, prodding the buttons of the GameBoy with gusto)

        GameBoy:

Whizzzzzzz...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeeeeoioooooooooo... Carump, boooom!!

        Snotty Kid:

Yeah, yeah! Take that, death-dealing aliens. Youíll not out-smart me. Die! Die! Die!

        Mulder: (above the racket)

Will you kindly stop doing that?

        Snotty Kid: (not pausing with his game)

Sod off grandpa, or Iíll tell my dad about you. Blood.

        Mulder: (turning to Sculley. Now one eyebrow has an involuntary twitch)

Howíd he know weíre agents? Howíd he know that?

        Sculley:

Probably something to do with your pistol discharging in the check-in hall.

        Mulder:

Oh yeah, forgot 'bout that. Do you think that woman will be all right?

        Sculley:

Oh yes, Iím sure. It was only a graze. But shouldnít you have told the staff you were F.B.I before claiming Diplomatic Immunity?

        Mulder:

No, this is really insy-winsy, backie-scratchie.

        Sculley:

Donít you mean "secret squirrel" or "mums-the-word", or "hush-hush".

        Mulder:

Uh. Hey look, Iíve got to tell you something. This could be our most dangerous assignment...

        Sculley:

Iíll say. That bullet hit my Walkman. Destroyed my Simply Red tape.

        Mulder:

No, no. Really. I mean this could be the end for both of us. Iíve uncovered what could be the greatest threat to humanity known so far.

        Sculley: (Not particularly impressed)

Do tell.

        Mulder:

Itís all to do with "sequences". (Sculley raises an eyebrow. He continues regardless). Now the term "sequences" can only mean one thing; genetic tampering with human beings.

        Sculley:

Gene recombination? Alteration of the human genome to produce a new variant of mankind, perhaps stronger, less prone to disease, long-lived, without the threat of Alzheimerís, or deliberating illness late in life?

        Mulder: (shaking his head)

Nope. More likely to turn you and future generations into dribbling cretins, with your brains turned into mush.

        Sculley:

What evidence do you have for this?

        Mulder:

Just a few suspicions...

GameBoy:

Blat! Blat! Blat!...Kaboom!.. ZooooooooooooM!... Di dah! Di dah! Di dah!

        Mulder: (snatching the GameBoy out of Snotty Kidís hands, and switching it off)

For crying out loud! I canít hear myself think!

        Snotty Kid:

Hey, you canít do that mister. Youíve no right. Thatís theft. Iíll get you sorted, you wait and see (he stands up in his chair, and waves) Hey Miss! Miss!

(A Stewardess sees the waving from the front galley, and starts walking down the aisle. Mulder ignores the commotion and slips the GameBoy into his inside jacket pocket. He leans over to continue speaking to Sculley. The Snotty Kid continues to yell.)

        Mulder:

Iíve not pieced it together yet, but thereís some pretty compelling evidence. As far as I can see these "sequences" revolve around something called midi.

        Sculley:

Midi? You mean Musical Instrument Digital Interface? A popular format for the creation of multi-track music, allowing various electronic musical instruments to interact with each other, in an industry-agreed manner, and thus bringing to the world the promise of a universal musical interface. Until of course it is completely superseded by MP3

        Mulder: (blinking at her confident knowledge)

Uh, no. I was sort of thinking;

        Mankindís Imminent Destruction Initiative.

         

The term keeps on appearing in files that come my way. I try to open them but they are obviously using some form of binary encryption.

        Sculley: (shaking her head in despair)

So weíre investigating The MIDI Files?

        Mulder: (nodding vigorously)

Yeah. Itís kinda confusing. On one side we might be dealing with these Camel guys, or creatures, or whatever they are, and on the other these sequencers. Could get really messy.

(The Stewardess arrives. The Snotty Kid is still standing up in his chair, pointing at Mulder).

        Snotty Kid:

Itís him Miss. He stole my GameBoy.

        Stewardess: (leaning over Sculley)

Iím sorry sir. Do you have this boyís game?

        Mulder: (trying his best innocent look)

Look Miss, I only took it off him because itís causing a racket. Iíll give it back when we land.

        Snotty Kid: (to the Stewardess)

Hey, thatís not right. Itís my property. Iíll tell my dad. Heís a lawyer. Heíll sue the airline. Youíll lose your job.

(he points a finger at Mulder)

Anyway, I reckon HE suffers from Air Rage.

        Mulder:

Oh come on! Look, I just confiscated it temporarily. Anyway, how come he can use it? You canít use laptop computers or mobile phones on these flights.

        Stewardess: (nods almost imperceptibly to someone up the aisle. A plainclothes Sky Marshall leaves his seat at the back of the plane and starts walking towards the commotion).

I think sir, you should kindly hand the toy back.

        Mulder: (sees the Sky Marshall appear at the shoulder of the Stewardess, now wearing an identity badge on the lapel of his jacket)

Oh come on!

(he fishes into his jacket pocket and the GameBoy falls to the floor)

        GameBoy:

Eeeeeeeeeeeeyoiiiiii!!!!...duhduhduhduh!!!!...keeeeeeeeeeeen!...grdoing...splat!

        Snotty Kid:

Youíve broken it!

(he punches Mulder on the shoulder)

        Mulder:

Ow!

        Sky Marshall: (who is very large and muscular, with a trademark

moustache, and what looks like a piece of hand artillery inside his

jacket)

I think you had better follow me sir.

        Mulder: (still fishing in his jacket)

Look, Iím an FBI agent, hereís my ID (he produces a card and waves it at the Sky Marshall)

        Sky Marshall:

Thatís an AMEX card, sir.

        Stewardess: (gets a glimpse of what else is under Mulders jacket)

My God! Heís got a gun!

(The passengers nearby, already fascinated by the incident, suddenly collectively gasp, and duck into their seats. The Sky Marshall doesnít hesitate. Seeing his seat belt isnít secured, he shoves the Stewardess aside and reaches over, lifts Mulder bodily out of his seat and throws him onto floor of the aisle. He applies a knee into the small of his back)

        Mulder:

Sculley! Help me! (his arms are handcuffed) Look, Iím on a mission; a really important mission. Iím out to save mankind! From an alien menace. You have to let me go! Sculley!

        Sky Marshall: (retrieving Mulders pistol and pocketing it)

Alien menace eh? I see, sir.

(he looks back to Sculley, who is watching events with avid interest).

Is this gentleman with you, madam?

        Sculley: (shrugging)

Never seen him before in my life, officer.



© Brendan Newport
The characters and names Mulder & Sculley © Fox Television
The X-Files © Fox Television
The phrase "The Truth Is Out There" © Fox Television
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